November 9, 2024
As we navigate the polarizing political landscape of the 2024 U.S. election, I find myself struggling to find the right words of compassion and support for all the varied experiences people are having. The intensity of this moment is undeniable, but instead of addressing the broader political divide, I want to focus on those who are grieving this week—and those who care about supporting them.
What is Election Grief?
Much like the collective grief I wrote about last month in the wake of Hurricane Helene, post-election grief has a unique element of community. However, unlike a natural disaster where most of the community is grieving, election grief includes the discombobulation that some of the broader community is celebrating.
In particular, the 2024 election has heightened the emotional stakes for many, especially around issues of human rights. Some people feel a sense of detachment, like fans watching opposing teams play football. But for others, the outcome of the election feels deeply personal, as it reflects their hopes, fears, and values.
Anticipatory Grief in the Election
Another unique aspect of post-election grief is the anticipatory grief hitting communities- the dread or sadness that comes from the anticipated loss of something or someone important. This can manifest in several ways:
Loss of Hope for Leadership: The dreams or visions someone had for the leadership they hoped to see in office may feel shattered.
Fear of Policy Change: A fear that policies they cared about will not be implemented, or that certain rights could be stripped away.
Concerns for Safety: For underrepresented or vulnerable communities—domestically and globally—the election results can heighten fears. This is particularly exacerbated as news circulates of signs being shown on a college campus saying, "Your body, my choice", texts to people of color about mandatory plantation shifts in the days following the election, and the news of further death and devastation to women and children in Gaza.
Mental Health Strain: In the LGBTQ+ community in particular, suicide rates are higher, especially in the trans community. Some are feeling the dread of the impact the election will have not only on the safety of this community, but their mental health as well. The Trevor Project, an organization in support of LGBTQ+ mental health, saw a 700% increase in outreach following the election this week.
Shifting Relationships: As demographic exit polls emerge, some people may feel a sense of betrayal from friends, family, or colleagues who voted differently. This can prompt difficult conversations or a re-evaluation of relationships. The anticipation of a change in relationships can also spark unique loss and grief.
What Election Grief Can Look and Feel Like
It's important to recognize that, much like other forms of grief, election grief can look or feel like many things. Here are some common experiences:
Anger
Sadness
Withdrawal or Retreat
Shock and Disbelief
Mood Swings
Impatience
Action or Activism
Exhaustion
Despair
Finger-Pointing
Anxiety
Panic
Seeking Connection
Important Reminders for Navigating Election Grief
Everyone’s Journey is Different | Just like any other form of grief, the process is individual. People grieve in different ways, on different timelines. It’s important to reserve judgment, whether it’s towards yourself or others.
Boundaries and Self-Care are Essential | It’s okay to take time for yourself. Rest, cry, or simply pause. You might need some space, and that’s completely normal. People who truly respect you will understand. Make sure to hydrate, nourish your body, and take care of yourself—this could mean taking a personal day.
Don’t Lose Sight of Your Values | Your emotions are valid, but it’s important to stay true to your core values. For example, if you value inclusion and respect, try to remain mindful of how you express your anger. Ask yourself: What is the cost to my values if I lash out in anger?
Seek Support | If you’re struggling with grief, it’s important to seek help, just as you would for a physical injury. Here are a few resources:
Employee Assistance Programs (EAP): Many employers offer counseling or coaching services.
Psychology Today allows you to search for mental health professionals by a variety of factors including topic, delivery, and insurance.
Coaching: If you want to navigate how to move forward with relationships in your life or turn your grief into action, coaching may be beneficial.
Crisis Support:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or dialing 988.
Crisis Text Line: Text TN to 741741 if you're struggling with thoughts of suicide.
Trevor Project: Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ+ youth.
Supporting Others Through Election Grief
Whether you voted differently, didn’t vote at all, or have close relationships with people who hold different beliefs, your compassion can make a huge difference. You don’t need to agree with someone’s perspective to show support.
Here are some key ways to support others who are grieving:
Validate Their Emotions: Everyone has a primal need to feel seen and heard. Simple acknowledgment can mean a lot. Try saying, “I can see that you're hurting.” Then, offer your support by asking, “How can I show you love right now?” If they ask for space, respect that.
Avoid "Bright-Siding" Grief: It is unhelpful to bright side someone's grief when they are feeling raw. In the loss of a loved one, that can sound like, "at least they're in a better place now." While it may be tempting to minimize someone’s pain by saying things like, “At least we live in a great country,” or “It could be worse,” this often feels dismissive. People need to feel their grief in its fullness. Simply acknowledging their pain can be more comforting than offering solutions.
Practice Empathy: Empathy isn’t about agreeing, but about understanding. We can learn a lot from Brene' Brown's simple message on this. Empathy is not about fixing; it’s about connecting.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: If the person is willing, ask questions that invite deeper sharing, such as:
"How are you doing right now?"
"Where are you hurting most?"
"How can I best support you in this moment?"
For Leaders | Supporting Employees in a Time of Grief
As a leader, this is a critical moment to model compassion and emotional intelligence. In addition to the suggestions above, here are some ways you can support your team:
Hold Space for Emotional Conversations: Don’t shut down difficult conversations. It’s important to create an environment where employees feel safe to express their emotions, individually or in groups.
Restating emotions and providing supportive inquiry: Again, you do not need to agree to be able to compassionately restate things like, "I can see you're feeling devastated right now. How can I support you in this moment?"
Encourage Self-Care: During times of stress, our cognitive abilities—such as critical thinking and decision-making—can be impaired. Encourage employees to take time to recharge. This will allow them to return to work with a clearer mind and greater emotional resilience.
Grief is Non-Linear: Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. Some employees may seem fine one day and deeply upset the next. Be patient and understanding as people process their emotions in their own time.
Reaffirm Workplace Policies: Remind your team of your organization's commitment to a harassment-free workplace and diversity and inclusion. For those grieving, it’s important to hear that their safety, dignity, and human rights are protected.
Final Thoughts
Election grief, like all forms of grief, requires compassion, patience, and space to process. Whether you’re grieving yourself or supporting someone else, remember that everyone’s experience is valid. Offering empathy and understanding can make all the difference in helping people feel seen and supported in these challenging times.
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